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IS THERE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN MY FAMILY?
Domestic Violence is an insidious problem that exists in all classes of our society. Some studies in the US have shown results such as 50% of all intentional homicides of females are committed by a past or present intimate partner or 63% of all boys age 11-20 who are arrested for murder have killed the man who was assaulting their mother or 20% of all murders are domestic violence related or battering is the single major cause of injury to women, more frequent than auto accidents, muggings and rapes combined.
Domestic Violence is an intergenerational problem because it is a learned behavior. This is how it happens. If a child grows up in an abusive environment some of the emotional effects can be low self-esteem, shame, distrust, co-dependency, difficulty in being accountable for their problems in life, and difficulty in setting healthy boundaries in their relationships. In addition they often learn to use the behavior of violence when they are stressed, angry or otherwise emotionally triggered. They have learned these things from their role-model, usually the parent. They have never learned to meet their own emotional needs because they have been abused. Therefore they enter an adult relationship with the same emotional difficulties. When certain feelings are triggered they will often use the same behavior patterns in response to those triggers that they learned as a child, namely abusive or violent behaviors. Thus the problem of domestic violence gets passed on from generation to generation.
WHAT IS ABUSE? Abuse can be either verbal, physical or emotional. Abuse can be defined as any attempt to hurt or impose our will (in a destructive way) on another. Verbal or emotional abuse is often not thought of as domestic violence but it is because it is extremely destructive in relationships and is meant to control another person on an emotional level. Examples of verbal abuse can be yelling, cursing or put downs. Examples of emotional abuse can be staring at someone to intimidate them or doing something to punish them.
HOW DO WE FIX IT? Undo the co-dependency. Learn to be accountable for ourselves emotionally and behaviorally. Learn to set healthy boundaries for ourselves. Learn appropriate ways to express our anger. There is no quick fix. It took us a long time to learn our current behaviors. It will take time to learn new ones. With courage to look at ourselves and conviction, it can be done. I have seen it time and time again. This program can help you and will provide the information needed for change.
NEWSLETTER (free) - Click here to register for our free non-violence newsletter covering all areas of interpersonal violence.
FAMILY VIOLENCE WORKBOOK - See workbook page for contents.
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